As a mother, it is difficult to express what is felt when you think of your children. A mother always knows, or so goes the saying. We are meant to kiss away hurt, to lift, and to hold. The following entry came from what I am sure are the deepest, and most sensitive parts, of a soul. Dear, Lana?
You are indeed a woman made of something stronger.
"The other day, after Keaton went to school, I heard an ambulance and fire truck outside. When I looked out the window, sure enough, there they were parked in front of our neighbors home. I became suddenly sick, and my heart started beating faster as the events of the morning that Addi died came rushing back into my mind. Then? I cried. It was the worst day of my life, and those sirens will forever bring it back to my mind. Addi had been sick, and came to me and said, “Mama, I need to throw up.” I tried to calm her, and when she did throw up, bile from her stomach came out. When that happened, she couldn’t breath. I told her to relax and try to breath. She muttered an “Ok” and I said, “don’t try to talk.”
She tried to breath, and I tried to calm her but to no avail. She began to suffocate while I tried everything I could think of to save her. I did CPR until the paramedics came. When the paramedics arrived, I had hope that they could somehow save her. I took Keaton in the other room, so he didn’t have to watch anymore, and I said a prayer with him pleading that she wouldn’t die. I hoped against hope that they would be able to save her.
They rushed Addi to the hospital, and we followed. When we arrived the doctor told us they did everything they could. "She is gone," he said. Gone."
"It still hurts to remember that day, but I will always remember Addi. I will always love her, and I know she will always be with me. I am grateful for that, and I am grateful for her. The day she died was the worst day of my life, but while she was here she gave me many of the best days. Those are the days I hold on to the most because those are the days that really matter."
